Funny How Things Change

Warning: This post contains sap….

My ex-husband left me in late 2004. It wasn’t a sad event. I was thankful it was over. My only struggle was with saying that I was going to be divorced at 25. It was a tough pill to swallow. While I knew that the inability to keep my marriage intact wasn’t completely his fault or mine (we were totally incompatible), I felt like a failure.

I quickly began saying that I would never get married again. I felt like it was obvious that it wasn’t something that I was cut out to be successful at. Of course, it didn’t take long for me to realize that I was entirely too young to resign myself to a life of solitude. I decided to give dating a shot. By the end of 2012, (and now solidly into my 30’s) I realized that I obviously wasn’t making good decisions when it came to men. I decided life was much easier without the hassle that comes with trying to make a relationship work. I decided to just be alone. It was good for me. I liked being alone. I had great friends, and worked all the time. I would tell people that I just didn’t have time for a relationship. It wasn’t entirely a true, but I didn’t have the strength to even try anymore. Occasionally, someone would ask if I ever wanted to get married again. The answer was a very firm and honest “NO!” I REALLY didn’t ever see that happening again, and I was okay with it. I have watched so many people go through painful and expensive divorces that I knew I didn’t want to go through that again. I could convince myself that I was okay with living with someone if the right person came along, but that the legalities would never again be there for me. It made it too difficult to end if things didn’t work out.

Everything was great! Then I was blindsided!

I’m hanging out with a couple of friends watching a football game one Saturday night in November. My phone goes off. It’s a friend of mine that I’ve known for 15 years. We had never been really close, but I knew that he was a decent guy. We had worked together at a couple of different places over the years. I had worked with his last wife, and was actually sad for both of them when they decided to split up.

He had sent me a message on facebook simply asking how I was doing. Within a couple of messages, something told me he had motives beyond just “catching up.” By the time our conversation ended, I had agreed to go out with him the next night. I had never looked at him as anything other than a friend. He had always been in other relationships, and it never occurred to me that there could be more than friendship there. Looking back at it now, I’m glad I had never looked at him that way. We would have been horrible for each other when we were younger and dealing with the crap that comes with realizing that the world doesn’t revolve around you.

We went out the next night. It was slightly awkward at first. We pushed past that and ended up having a great time just hanging out. The next day I hung out with him and his 3 year-old son. We sat up late into the night talking and listening to music. Happiness sucker-punched me that night. Time flew by and I ended up staying in his daughter’s bedroom that night so that I didn’t have to drive home so late. I haven’t slept at my house since!

The ensuing whirlwind has turned my belief system upside down. I am truly in love. We are barely two months into this relationship, and I can’t picture my life without him in it. I don’t know how to explain how it is that I am so certain that he is EXACTLY the right person for me. I just know it. Maybe it’s because so many of my relationships have been such complete failures. Nothing in my life has ever felt as right as this. I think what really sealed it for me, was when I realized that I would marry this man, if he would have me. He’s doing something right!

I love my dirty hippie!